Sixty citizens work on civil discourse

Democracy was in action in Anacortes the evening of July 19 as 60 people energetically participated in the second workshop on civil discourse sponsored by the Volunteers of America’s Skagit Dispute Resolution Center.

MaryLee Chamberlain was at least one La Conner participant.

“Doing [petitioning] for ballot initiative 1631, I ran into people in denial about climate change,” the town council member and school occupational therapist said. That unreality about reality prompted her attendance.

Jacquelyn Styrna, the Reso-lution Center’s regional director, and consultant Mary Dumas, an independent conflict dispute resolution professional, kept participants busy during the two-hour workshop. Their chalk talk segments provided a framework and vocabulary for framing the different ways people respond to new situations and to conflict.

The evening’s goal, and the series, is “to engage the public throughout Skagit County with this series, and offer interactive skill building sessions that promote civil dialogue,” Styrna wrote in an email.

Recognizing that conflict is natural, the workshops’ goal is to manage conflict toward positive outcomes that build trust, understanding, stronger relationships and improved communications.

Throughout, the process of skill building was emphasized. While listening for the facts of the issue is key, listening for the emotions, underlying interests and values is more critical. Having empathy to feel the other’s core, is most needed. That is how settlement on the deepest level of interests and values is possible, the leaders explained.

Dumas noted stress comes with conflict and said learning tools for dealing with stress, both yours and the other party’s is necessary. “The ability to explore other people can only happen when you know yourself first. Either we adapt ourselves or expect others to adapt to us, “she said.

The third level of conflict, after self and others, is systems, the organizations in our lives. Dumas emphasized that people face conflict within power systems.

The workshop offered “toolz for tough conversations,” when conflict can spiral out of control. Since a rise in adrenal is a first stress reaction, they offered a video showing how pilot Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger handled landing his U.S. Airways plane in the Hudson River in 2009.

Their point: extensive training put the pilot’s brain in autopilot, the “the brain wants to solve problems when under stress.” But most people, not well coached, “get pissed,” said Dumas. Crashing and burning happens often as discussion turns into conflict.

Whether the crisis is physical or interpersonal, we need to be brave. Right action comes from a self-awareness is knowing one’s self, the trainers emphasized.

Dumas said the skill building was to get to the heart. She meant both of the issue and one’s self.

Dumas, a therapist for society, counseled, “Self-awareness gives us time to self-regulate.”

Calmness and self-control, keys to individual maturity, are essential for civilization. Attention can then be paid to group dynamics: “Self-awareness is to be aware in company in the moment, she said.

Reflecting on the difficulty of getting along with family and friends, she advised, “we can’t expect it to be easy with complex values.”

The leaders listed six funda-mental human values: Fairness, equality, responsibility, fairness, integrity and security.

In a small group, someone noted “community” is a seventh essential value.

The group exercise explored the different frames that shape how people reason and influence their actions. Members acted based on one of six “hat’s” people naturally wear, positions ranging from “emotions and feelings” to “control of thinking.” People laughed and supported each other as they worked through a hot button issue, such as immigration.

Participation was up by 15 from the 45 attending the June workshop in Mount Vernon, with 25 returning. Forty pre-registered. Styrna noted: “We were surprised and overjoyed to welcome and accommodate 60 participants in the class! From a planning perspective, this is a good problem to have!”

The third workshop in the series, August 9 in Sedro Woolley, is on “awareness of issues as well as commonly occurring patterns in groups and communities,” Styrna explained in her email. Registration remains open for new attendees, she emphasized.

Contact Styrna for more information: (360) 428-4934. To resister: http://supportvoaww.volunteersofamerica.org/site/