Workshop seeks shared solutions from conflict

Thirty people were counseled and congratulated for being brave for their willingness to participate in the public arena for the common good by workshop leader Mary Dumas at last Thursday’s workshop on “Listening Fully and Exploring Biases” in Sedro Woolley. This third session on “Civil Discourse in the Public Arena” continues the six-month effort to engage Skagit County citizens.

Introducing the evening workshop at city hall, the Skagit County League of Women Voters’ Wende Sanderson said, “We can find ways to build bridges of trust and respect as … we collaborate to work on solutions to sticky problems in Skagit County.” These workshops are to help people become more self-aware of conflicts within themselves, to understand that conflict is natural, and that conflict is part of the institutions of which we are all a part.

Dumas, a consultant in dis-pute resolution, continued teaching her “Toolz for Tough Conversations,” again counseling that conflict is natural and starting with examples of loud neighbors with barking dogs. Resolving conflict requires informed action. As before, she counseled self-awareness, pointing out that “internal tensions regarding one’s roles and responsibilities results in conflict within oneself.”

Everyone has motivations and their own interpretations based on biases. She counseled “getting inside of [self-]biases” to evaluate if a conflict is “a 1-star or 5-star conflict. These are scales of legitimate intensity,” she said. We might not know them in ourselves. Coming into conflict with others, we have limited information about their motives, yet people respond to the actions before them without knowing the source driving the person.

To make the lesson real, the audience broke up into groups of six to discuss an issue: homelessness, immigration or responsible gun ownership. One member was to be a listening observer to assess for the group the “level they are talking from.” The groups were encouraged to get beyond philosophical positions to genuine curiosity about each other.

The Weekly News became a topic of discussion in a small group discussing “responsible gun ownership.” Two participants asked if they would be quoted directly, one saying he would not speak if “it is documented without my consent.” A work-shop moderator encouraged the group to reach agreement on being covered by the press. As reporter, I agreed not to use names or identify people in any way. Agreeing to that, the group resumed its discussion.

The group’s moderator noted people’s efforts to be personable and share something of them-selves, whether the discussion was guns or confidentiality. Most people spoke from their direct experiences rather than providing data or offering meaning.

In their exchanges, people made eye contact and spoke directly to the issue raised.

Back in the large group Dumas introduced a tool to consider “conflict styles and strategies” and whether people pursue personal goals, most fully realized in strong competition, or relational goals, with accommodating others over self an extreme. Dumas championed compromise, where bridges are built to join opposing positions. She spoke to the rarity of true collaboration, where people innovate something new based on “care and attention to the other’s concern.”

Dumas warned “not to go along to get along, but go along to get further together, to get to a solution.” That takes courage, time and imagination.

Her final words: “Solving problems will not be a grand a-ha. It will be an incremental event. The biggest challenge we have is adapting together,” she said.

The six-part training cumulates with an all-day October workshop addressing a current issue of conflict within the county.

The attendance was half the turnout in Anacortes in July. The last regional workshop is in Burlington Sept. 12 at the library, again at 6:30 p.m.