Bigfoot emerges with timely public service message

A La Conner area recluse has come out in the open to reinforce Gov. Jay Inslee’s “Stay Home, Stay Healthy” mandate.

The Skagit Sasquatch, who last appeared publicly in the 1980s when he joined forces with the Lesser La Conner movement to discourage growth and tourism here, re-emerged from his local wooded hideout last weekend to promote state social distancing policies.

The elusive Bigfoot, who these days prefers to be called “Darrell,” granted a brief interview with Mel Damski and an interpreter with the La Conner Weekly News.

“I’m trusting you guys,” he said, “because of all the fake news that’s out there. I know you’ll get it right.”

Darrell said it’s important that the public take social distancing guidelines seriously.

“You can quote me on this,” he said. “When it comes to self-isolation, there’s no more unimpeachable source than me. It has its merits. Especially now with the spread of the coronavirus.”

His message delivered, Darrell retreated hastily onto a secluded trail and was out of sight within moments.

Damski, though, was able to catch a quick photo of Darrell with his La Conner Weekly News-issued 007 spy camera.

The hulking forest giant appears to have aged little since last seen – perhaps a result of his active, outdoor lifestyle.

Being semi-retired might help, too.

Darrell said he no longer works remotely for the National Enquirer or with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa.