COVID-19 makes final farewells difficult

The Feast of All Saints and other celebrations make November “the month for the dead,” says Father Paul Magnano, senior priest of Skagit Valley Catholic churches.

Congregations pray for the deceased by name at the beginning of mass. Day of the Dead altars feature their photos, food and drink for their journey to paradise and marigolds, symbols of life after death.

This year, the process of honoring the deceased has been complicated by changing rules and soaring infection rates from the coronavirus pandemic.

For the family of Phyllis Webb, the first complication was saying goodbye.

Barred from her Anacortes assisted living community, they tried Zoom. “Mom couldn’t understand why we couldn’t just walk into her room,” said daughter Carol Avery, a Pleasant Ridge resident.

For the last two weeks of her life, Hospice of the Northwest arranged for Webb’s children and grandchildren to visit. “We got to stay by her side, holding her hand, praying and washing her face,” said Avery.

When Webb died in October, the family began planning a funeral at St. Mary’s in Anacortes.

That would have been impossible when the pandemic began. Initial rules from the Washington State Department of Health prohibited funeral homes from holding services or viewings at all.

“It was absolutely the worst,” said Connie LeSourd, owner of Kern Funeral Home and also a Pleasant Ridge resident. “Families couldn’t say goodbye to their loved ones in nursing homes and hospitals, and they couldn’t say goodbye later! My heart went out to them.”

She was relieved when health officials determined that embalming and viewing a body were not high-risk activities, and the rules relaxed. “Getting to see loved ones one more time is such an important part of the grief healing process.”

At first, Kern could only let five mourners at a time into its chapel – tough for large families and members of cultures wanting to honor their loved ones together.

As infection rates dropped during the summer, up to 50 people could gather, with masks and socially distanced, in Kern’s chapel, by a grave or in a church, if they chose to hold a service.

The La Conner United Methodist Church is not meeting in person because most members are considered vulnerable, said Pastor Marcella Baker.

When La Conner resident Mark Stephens died unexpectedly, Baker led prayers at Kern’s and met with immediate family members. Instead of delivering a eulogy, she wrote a tribute that was published in the Weekly News.

St. Mary’s and other Skagit Catholic churches have been allowing 30 mourners to attend funeral masses and streaming some services live.

St. Mary’s asked Webb’s family to provide names and emails of all participants, and emailed invitations to each one. “You had to answer the emails individually, and agree not to attend if you had traveled internationally or had a temperature, chills or muscle pains in the 14 days prior,” said Avery.

“They also asked you to assess your own vulnerability. If you had any kind, they didn’t want you to come.”

Once they checked in with ushers, mourners in masks were able to pay their respects to Webb, say the rosary and participate in the mass while seated in family pods scattered around the sanctuary.

No post-funeral reception was possible, so afterwards “we stayed by our own cars in the parking lot and visited by hollering at each other, keeping masks on,” said Avery. “But I was happy, because I didn’t think we were going to get a church ceremony. Mom would have been happy, too.”

Keeping that distance, so critical to combating COVID-19, is hard on the grieving, said Magnano. “We are incarnational people, not just spirits and souls. We do want a hug.”

New rules issued Nov. 15 limit funerals and gravesite services to 30. Funeral receptions are not allowed. Rules for picking up, handling and embalming and burying bodies remain the same.

“There is no risk for transmission from a COVID-19 decedent except when the body is moved,” said LeSourd.

If a deceased person had a fever or was diagnosed with COVID-19, her staff wear full-body suits, booties, gloves and N95 masks with shields when they pick up the body, which is completely shrouded.

At cemeteries like Pleasant Ridge, funeral homes handle the burial. Kern employees help open the grave, then move away from mourners, returning later to bury the decedent. Kern staff must stay with the body until it is buried. When families cannot attend, LeSourd stands in for them.

“We lose a part of our humanity when we can’t say goodbye in person, and we feel less connected as a result. You don’t feel complete,” said Magnano.

“It’s not the way we want to do things, but we’ve become creative.”