If I Ran The Zoo

Remember the Birdman of Alcatraz? I am introducing you to the Birdman of Shelter Bay.

I'm buying a house in Shelter Bay with different feeding areas, including a bird watering hole. I'm converting one of my patios to a seed station.

About 55 years ago, give or take, I was hired to work at a sleep-away camp in New Hampshire. It was a big deal because I was the only one of my friends who could not afford to be a camper, but now I was going as a counselor.

The only opening was to be the rifle instructor and I gamely undertook the position even though I didn't know much about guns.

There were twin mattresses lined up in a row, facing a row of targets mounted on posts about 30 feet away. My job was to teach gun safety and make sure that a hyperactive camper didn't turn the BB gun on his tent mates.

But one day, bored between sessions, I lay down on a mat and took aim at a target. A bird perched just above it, and I set my sights higher and killed it with a clean shot. I got an adrenalin rush and kept shooting, and the birds kept falling.

That night, I was hit with tremendous remorse. I understood the impulse, the testosterone driven caveman instinct. I saw it for what it was – a base animal instinct that I thought I should be able to rise above.

You probably have figured out by now where I'm going with this: I hate pleasure hunting. I'm not a vegan, so I understand that animals are systematically slaughtered to put food on our tables. So, if someone is hunting animals to eat, I have no problem with it.

Most hunters hunt for meat. These hunters are men who take pleasure in stalking and killing animals. Sometimes they don't even bother to stalk – they are led to the animals feeding grounds so that they are guaranteed a trophy to take home.

There is a viral video on YouTube of the CEO of a large American corporation killing a huge elephant at point blank range. He then stands on top of his prey in the classic hunter's pose.

When there was some understandable outrage that might affect his company's profitability, the man said he did it to help the local farmer's protect their crops. Please!

What particularly riles me is that this is called a sport. Perhaps, if the animals were armed as well, it might have a sporting component and I would understand why there are all these sporting goods stores in our area that don't sell basketballs or footballs, only hunting and fishing equipment.

They should be called Killing Beautiful Defenseless Animal stores. Let's call it like it is. Some men get a masculine rush by felling a beautiful duck in flight or dropping a deer that is gracefully hopping through the forest.

If we want to get the adrenalin rush of felling a flying object, let's go to the range and shoot skeet or clay pigeons. Let's be honest and admit that killing a beautiful bird in flight is unjustifiable homicide.