If I ran the zoo

No, my obsession is no longer Donald Trump or the Mariners or preparing to vote for the Oscars. My obsession is BIRDS.

I sit in my hot tub at least twice a day and I am transfixed by the bird feeders that I have in my backyard. The birds scatter when I walk by but I settle down and don't move around at all and they come back in droves.

I've also placed a feeder in my front yard that I can watch while I am sitting in front of the television in my living room.

This has led to a very important decision in my life: I have left God a message that when I die, I will be reincarnated as a bird. Obviously, that is a very important decision and there are many other options, but I will be very happy as a bird.

Why? Because I love to be on the move and birds have an extraordinary ability to fly around and cover a tremendous amount of territory but also settle down in beautiful places, often with amazing views.

They incessantly chatter to each other and have extraordinary visibility that protects them from any threatening consequences. If they get bored or hungry, they have the capacity to travel near or far.

I know God is very busy right now with all of the horrific things happening on our planet, but hopefully he will get my message and off I will go eventually into the wild blue and green yonder.